Draining

Most of the time these days I think she is so normal. I almost forget that she's pulling back from the pit of hell. But today reminds me there is probably more going on than just 'addiction'. Addiction does not happen in a vacuum. And for Grace, watching her hyperactive crazy mood all day makes me think maybe that long-ago diagnosis of bi-polar might not be so wrong. Now that she's stabilizing on methadone, it would make sense that any underlying conditions would become more apparent.

Grace has a wonderful sense of humor. She can crack jokes and observe the funniest things. It was funny for the first few minutes at Costco. But after 10 minutes stretched into 30, the very loud, crazy observations and "I want that or this or buy me this NOW" kinda lost its humor. And by the end of the afternoon I was drained.

I'm sure she saw it as being funny. And most of it was loud, teenage kind of fun, with a very intense edge to it. She's calmed down now, settled back into normal. I can almost convince myself I'm just overtired, that it's all in my head, that I'm the one in a bad mood. Almost.

But what do I do with this knowledge? I don't think it will serve any purpose to say anything. So I'll just file it away and see what happens next. The goal for right now is to not rescue her. I can't smooth over the rough water that she herself stirs up. I can't even rescue Melody from most of it. So I wait and observe and pray...