I struggle finding balance; with maintaining peace. Grace has agreed to take a class at church with me that focuses on recovery. We'll look at the science of the brain, learn specific techniques to keep our brains functioning as God intended them and how to cope with stress in a healthy way - all based in scripture. It sounds so wonderful and my experience with this teaching has been phenomenal so far.
I find myself fighting the hyper-excitement where I jump and down with glee and assume it will all be ok now. On the other end of the spectrum I get lost in hopelessness. Heroin is a horribly addictive drug that pulls its victim down again and again.
Somewhere in the whirlwind is a balance of hope that she will find the tools to complete and maintain the climb out of hell while letting her find the tools that work for her. I can't do this for her. I can't force it. I can't predict what will work.
I have to know the end of the story before I can enjoy it. I watch the end of the movie or read the end of the book first. I hate suspense. I want to know how it turns out before I can relax and read the story. I find no pleasure in the mystery.
I don't get what I want with this story. Faith tells me that it will be ok in the end. I know a very BIG God loves her and will carry her to safety if she lets Him. I was wrestling a bit with God about this issue last week. I wanted some specific reassurance that she will be saved. His response: Relax and enjoy the ride...
So the walk of trust continues. It's pretty shaky most days. But my trust in not in Grace or her abilities. My hope is not in her decision to take a class with me, even if that class will be filled with information, tools and healing. My trust is in a loving Father who wants me healed just as much as my daughter.
No comments:
Post a Comment