Surrender

One of the most haunting memories in this challenge was when I told God He had my permission to take Grace. It's not like I have control over it anyway, but it was something I had to do ~ perhaps for my own sanity.

It was in the days following her 'escape' from the treatment program. She had checked herself out and we had not heard from her for days. We had put out messages on her Facebook page and email contacts and still no word. I knew she had gone straight back to heroin. She was not only escaping the walls of the treatment center, she was running from us.

We considered reporting her missing. That way if an unidentified body showed up it could be matched against her dental records. Melody's birthday was only a couple of days away, yet we did not hear anything...

It was in the midst of that not-knowing that I felt God asking me to lay down her very life - to give Grace completely over to Him. He knew her future, He knew if she would be able to turn her life around or if she would continue down this destructive path forever. The question for me: if there was a moment when He could bring her safely home, knowing there was no future for her; would I release her? I argued and fought and cried - but I knew it was the only way to find peace.

In my surrender Jesus reassured me that if she dies in this struggle, it would be because there was no other way. He will only allow her death if that is the only way He can ensure she lives forever with Him.

I don't know if that makes sense, but it brings me peace. I have surrendered what was never really mine to hold. In the process, I've felt a touch of God's Heart for His lost children and can trust that He will bring us safely home if we will let Him.