I know I'm repeating themes these days, but maybe I just need to recognize these things over and over again in order to relearn my behaviors and thought processes...
Today's repeat is how much I nag Grace and Melody. Talk about repeats! I must have repeated the same nag 5 times on the way home from school. I nag Melody most, then Grace and least of all my hubby. I guess it's in the order of trouble I get into with the person, how strong the response is when they fight back.
Melody and Grace have started giving me a hard time about my driving skill, or as they see it, the lack of skill. It bothers me, but I only joke back at them. Hey, at least I still have a car to drive...
But when I think about it, my displeasure and criticism of them is even more blatant when I nag. It says they can't do it right without me making sure it happens. It tells them they are not smart enough, don't have the skill to do the simple tasks in their lives without me. It is so much better to set reasonable consequences and then let them make their own choice.
Grace is well beyond any of my control. The sooner I recognize and walk in that the better for both of us. There have been countless times even this last month when she put something off or did something a different way than I would have. But she somehow pulled it off.
It drove me nuts watching it and trying not to prod her. I was grumpy, edgy, obsessed with worry about her getting this and that done on time. I was able to figure out where my anxiety was coming from eventually, which helped a little. It's such a long process to get over this...
I hope I can recognize this pattern more often with Melody. I want both of us to be free from this all-consuming worry about all the small stuff. Jesus - Savior - save me from myself, this fear of imperfection. Let me, and my family, learn from our mistakes and grow into the adults You have designed.... Amen...
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