So the day to day struggle right now is to know - moment by moment and request by request - what is healthy to do for Grace and what is not. Should I make that phone call for her so she can save her expensive minutes? She's not using them on calls to friends, she's being very careful. Should I run the check down to her for the diversion program or let her face felony charges because she didn't pull the correct amount from her cash envelope we keep in my purse? Should I stay up late (and keep Melody up late) and take her to the store tonight?
So, today I said "no" twice and "yes" once. It seemed the rescue on the felony issue was ok, although I joked it was the ultimate "rescue" to meet her at the courthouse with the check in hand.
I honestly don't think she even sees it, nor do I see it most of the time. As hubby says, she is doing so well right now that we want to support her. But when does support turn into that crippling, do-all, consuming drive where her life becomes the center of our life? We are drifting so easily back into that pattern.
I want to stay sensitive to that slight nudge I can feel now when we cross the line. It's like I'm a toddler just learning to walk. I need to keep practicing so I can get better. Or even better, Grace is the toddler just learning to walk on her own. I need to let her get out there and fall a few times.
The giant tumble of living in the drug houses last summer was not enough. The real challenge comes now, in learning to build a life one step at a time. It's the drudgery of taking the right steps day in and day out that builds character. It's choosing the unglamorous job, trudging to the bus stop or walking three miles in the rain when there is no bus - these are the choices that grow us up.
So, today I made progress. Tomorrow I hope for the same, both for Grace and for myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment