I'm tired, content, sad and peaceful all at the same time. It was a wonderful day in the sun with Melody and three of her friends. Grace decided to take the parenting class that CPS is forcing on her, despite starting school yesterday. The summer quarter condenses a full 12 week quarter into 7 weeks. It's going to be a rough few weeks for her. I still struggle with how best to support her and where to draw the line between help and rescue...
There is much going on in the heavenlies I believe. Things are changing in my family. On the surface it seems so sad, so hurtful. But things that have been hidden or ignored for so long are being unveiled. Our hearts are being revealed, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I can't walk the same way any more, in that panicked pleaser mode. That means Grace walks 6+ miles home from work when its not convenient for me to pick her up. That means my husband is angry at me most of the time these days. It's a tough rode for both Grace and I right now, but as with any move into health, I believe the discipline will yield good results in time.
It's the day to day walk that's hard, yet more peaceful than I could have imagined. I'm making choices that I know are right. I know God's presence even in the hard moments. I am learning a great deal about myself and the character of a strong and loving Savior.
I keep praying for breakthrough, but maybe it's this drudgery and daily struggle that will produce the next season - like planting a garden. It takes time for the seeds to germinate and grow. There's weeding to be done along the way. For now, I will take pleasure in knowing the seeds are growing. I'll just relax and enjoy the sunshine until the flowers bloom.
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